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The 2000 Holiday Fanfic Project

Daredevil: Ghosts Of Christmas Past
By Rhona (rh.ona@blueyonder.co.uk)

This part of the Project is hosted by
The Elaysian Fields

Disclaimer: Matt Murdock (Daredevil), Karen Page and the others belong to Marvel Comics. Most of this was based on Kevin Smith's run on Daredevil (vol.2 1-8). No money has been made from the use of copyright characters.



I guess you're wondering why I'm here. Well, I suppose it has a lot to do with the fact that we used to celebrate Christmas together. You were the closest thing I had to a family and I guess, in some ways, you felt the same.

Remember the first Christmas we spent together? We burnt the dinner. Okay, I burnt the dinner. I didn't know I had set the temperature on the oven too high. But it didn't matter that I had ruined our meal, we were still happy. Hungry but happy. You gave me that sweater which was really tight on me but it fit you like a glove. I still have it. Couldn't bear parting with it. I can't remember what I gave you, though. Does it matter? I think the fact that we were together was the important thing.

It was important to you the Christmas after you found out about my secret identity. You were afraid something was going to happen to me. So I gave up the superhero thing for that one night just for you. I should have given you more. I realize that now. It's funny how things look with hindsight. You gave up so much for me. But that's not what I'm here for. I know you don't want me shedding tears for something I had no control over. Besides, this isn't the time for sadness. It doesn't mean I don't care. I do care. I've never stopped caring for you.

You once made me promise never to give up and I haven't. After what happened to you I almost did but I remembered what you said. I don't change the fact that the world is bad but I make it just that little bit safer. One thing I've never done is thank you. Not for what you said but for what you did for me. You made a huge sacrifice so that I could continue protecting people. Thank you.

I've been through so much. But no matter what life threw at me I managed to survive. Maybe what happened to you has made me realize that I want more than to come out of a scrape and live to see another day. That's no life for anyone. I would never break my promise about giving up the tights but I need something more. We once thought about marriage and a family. I guess that's what I want now. It just won't be with you. Looking after the little beast made me want a kid even though I was ready to kill her. I want to do all things with a child that my dad never did with me.

I think I've told you this before but growing up wasn't a fun experience. Mom was long gone and dad was left to raise me. I never had any brothers or sisters. There was never anyone close to me except my dad. Christmas was never a fun time then. We didn't have much and it upset dad so much that he used to drink heavily. I know he didn't mean to but he ruined Christmas for me. He did his best for me -- pushed me to become the person I am now -- but I needed more than that. I guess I wanted from him what I should have got from my mother. I wanted to be loved. That's probably why I've screwed up with women so many time -- I'm afraid they'll do the same thing as my mother and walk out on me.

Hey, maybe I should come here more often. I'm telling you things that I've bottled up for a long time now. But it's not as good as having you here. If I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough, I can remember the feeling of your hands on my back. At night I just want to feel you next to me. I want to wake up with you there telling me that it's all been one big nightmare. It's not going to happen, though. I know that but it doesn't stop me wishing.

I think this Christmas I'll stay in. It's getting too cold for me to go out in my tights. Even superheroes deserve a day off, isn't that what you told me? Besides I think New York has enough people out there to cover most of the crime. Maybe I'll go and visit some of the people who mean the most to me. Maybe I'll spend it with Foggy. Since your death, I've begun to look very closely at my friendships. I think it's time that I work a bit more on them.

I better go now. The temperature out here is dropping fast. Funny how I never noticed that before after all the nights I've been out in Hell's Kitchen. Maybe it was the rush from knowing I'd done some good or that I knew I'd always come home to you. I'll come back tomorrow with your present. Merry Christmas, Karen, rest in peace.


The End


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